Preventive War or Preventive Thought?: The Logical Conclusion for an anti-Chomskyite -
B: You look deep in thought J. What are you thinking about?
J: I was just thinking about preventive war and how it seems a good logical
idea.
B: Really? You think it's logical?
J: You don't?! You can't be that naÔve. Of course it's logical.
B: Please explain yourself.
J: Well, I mean if we just go kill the other people first, it will just save
us the trouble of having to do it later after they attack us, and could possibly
save many more lives than if we wait. And it's probably cost efficient. Why
would any intelligent person wait? It's like preventive medicine. You don't
wait until
you get the illness before you start taking preventive medicine. Otherwise,
it's not preventive medicine. How much simpler could it be?
B: Hmmm I'm not so sure you can apply the preventive medicine analogy when
talking about human affairs and war. It's a little more complicated than that,
don't
you think?
J: Hell no! It's not complicated! If we know that these folks may eventually
do something to us, why shouldn't we just go after them first? Killem'! Killem'
all!
B: How will we determine who may want to do something to us in the future?
J: See?! This is the perfect example! I can tell by the way you're questioning
me that it's possible that you'll probably want to attack me in the future.
B: You can tell that simply by the questions I've asked you?
J: There you go again! You've just proved my point! You are attacking me! I
knew I should've kicked your red-ass after you recommended that therapist!
You commies
are always sneaking up on us just waiting to pounce when our guard is down.
B: Commies?! What are you talking about? I've asked you five simple questions
and now you're calling me a commie? You say that I'm attacking you? You say
that I'm sneaking up on you? And you say that you should have kicked my red-ass
earlier?
And you said I've proved your point? What are you talking about?
J: Yes, you have proved my point.
B: How have I done that?
J: Well, if I would have just killed you earlier on I wouldn't have to endure
all this pain you're inflicting on me. See?
B: I'm inflicting pain on you? What have I done?
J: You may as well have stuck a knife into my back you unappreciative, Che
T-shirt wearing, traitor.
B: So what if everybody else decides to implement the preventive doctrine?
What will keep them from killing you first?
J: Because I believe in God and country and(BANG!)
(Just then a gun shot went off and J's head splattered against the wall. Everyone
turned around only to see Barbara, his wife, standing there wearing her NRA
T-shirt, her Wal-Mart sneakers, holding a 12-pack of Diet Pepsi in one hand
and the smoking
gun in the other.)
Barb: Sorry, B. I heard what J said and thought he was going to kill you.
(Barbara drops her gun, opens a Pepsi, looks into B's eyes and says..)
Barb: Be sure to vote for Bush!
Anti-Chomskyites in Group Therapy: 12 Steps|A Force for Good in the World
B:
Okay, who would like to go first?
J: I'll go first.
J2: He always goes first!
J: No, I don't!
J2: Yes, you do!
J: You're projecting! You like Chomsky! You're a Holocaust denier!
J2: You're in denial! You read a page from one of his books!
J: No, I didn't!
J2: Yes, you did!
(J and J2 begin fighting on the floor in the middle of the group circle)
B: Boys! Boys! Get back to your seats this minute!
(J and J2 reluctantly return to their seats angry and crying)
B: Would the two of you like to apologize to one another?
J: He can go first.
J2: No! I always apologize first!
J: No, you don't! You're an anti-Semite!
J2: Yes, I do! You're a Pol Pot apologist and wear Sandinista underwear!
(They begin fighting again)
B: Boys! Boys! This violent, irrational, and typical anti-Chomskyite behavior
will not be tolerated in this group. Go back to your seats immediately! If
there's another outbreak you'll both have to recite the 12 Steps to each other
200 times!
(J and J2 run back to their seats as quickly as possible in fear of the possible
consequences. Reciting the 12 Steps was worse than their daily 3 hour secession
of shock therapy. The 12 Steps are as follows.)
Step 1: I admit that I am powerless over my irrational anti-Chomskyanism and
that my life is unmanageable.
Step 2: I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me
to sanity, but was wrong.
Step 3: I've made a decision to turn my ignorance, irrationality, and illogicality,
over to the care of Chomsky as I understand he recognizes my shortcomings and
feels a little sympathy for my pathetic existence.
Step 4: I've made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself, but came
up empty-handed.
Step 5: I've admitted to Chomskyans, to myself, and to other anti-Chomskyites
the exact nature of my ignorance, though I still don't understand what it is.
Step 6: I'm entirely ready to have Chomsky add new and accurate information
to my pathetically shallow and disinformed mind, hoping that this, in turn,
may
help my immoral character to be cleansed of any anti-Chomskyan ignorance as
well as cured form the ignorance I've blindly accepted from Horowitz over the
years!
Step 7: I'v e humbly asked Chomsky to educate my dumb ass and to help take
away some of the shortcomings I've incurred from Horowitz, if this is possible.
Step 8: I'v e made a list of the persons I've harmed due to my ignorant and
irrational anti-Chomskyanism, and should make amends, but haven't because I'm
too ignorant
to know what I've done wrong.
Step 9: I would only make direct amends to all intelligent people who know
Chomsky's work and when doing so would harm other anti-Chomskyites.
Step 10: I will continued to take a personal inventory, as pathetic as it is,
and when I'm wrong, which is most all of the time, admit it, and say Chomsky
was right.
Step 11: I will attempt, through pain and medication, to improve my conscious
contact with Chomsky, as I think I understand him, even though I don't, praying
only for any knowledge at all of his understanding of all the lies regarding
Horowitz's, or any other so-called anti-Chomskyite's work. And perhaps I can
use his will and develop the power to shut up when discussing his thought when
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
Step 12: Having had my spiritual narcolepsy slightly awakened as a result of
these steps, I will try to carry the message of Chomsky's intelligence and
moral character to those who still suffer from anti-Chomskyanism. I will also
attempt
to cease from further public exhibition of my irrational ignorance and stupidity.
B: Okay, why don't we let J3 go first today. J3, would you care to begin?
J3: (Wiping the tears from his eyes and blowing his nose) I was really bad
this week.
B: Would you care to share with the group what happened?
J3: Well, it all started when I was following this girl who looked like Ann
Coulter from the back. She went around a corner and as I came around just behind
her
I ran into her knocking her books from her arms. She turned around exposing
a T-shirt which read ëBay Buchanan is an ignorant Bitch'. I pretended not to be
insulted. I then leaned down to help her pick up her books. As I did I noticed
one of the books lying open and just out of curiosity I read a few passages.
They said things like ìEither you repeat the same conventional d octrines everybody
is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune.î And ìIf
the Nuremberg laws were applied, then every post-war American president would
have been hanged.î And ìPropaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to
a totalitarian state.î I mean, the words were in English, but I didn't understand
what they meant. I then looked at the cover of the book, and to my horror, it
said ëChomsky' in big letters. (Bursts into tears again and is hardly able
to speak)
(The other members of the group all gasped in horror)
J4: What did you do?
J3: I threw up on my new ëHorowitz can too read' T-shirt.
(The group gasps, again)
J: Did you get her number?
J2: Shut up you dumbass! This is serious!
J4: Did she say anything?
J3: She smirked and said, ìAnti-Chomskyite, huh?î And then, if that wasn't
bad enough, her and her friends all pointed their Chomsky books at me, as if,
as
if their books were crosses and I was Dracula. After that, all I remember was
feeling light-headed, looking up at the lights, and spinning as I began to
fall
J2: What happened next?
J3: I woke up a couple of hours later. As I opened my eyes I noticed that my
head was resting on a huge pile of shredded paper and the cover of my ëAnti-Chomsky
Reader' was stuck to my shirt.
(Everyone gasps, again)
J: I thought I smelled something.
J2: I'm gonna' kick your insensitive ass if you say another word.
B: Now, now, boys. What did I tell you? (pause) Now, J3, how does it make you
feel to share your experience with the group?
J3: I feel a little relieved. But I also feel a little angry and embarrassed.
I feel like I've let down the group.
J2: You shouldn't feel that you've let us down. I remember the first time I......
J: (Interrupting J2) Oh God! Not this story again! You tell this damn story
every week.
(J and J2 begin fighting on the floor again)
B: J and J2! What did I tell you! Now go to the corner and read the 12 Steps
to each other 200 times and hug each other after each Step.
J4: J3, do you have anything else you'd like to share about your experience?
J3: (Still crying) Not right now. It's still a little too painful.
J: (Yelling from the corner) You sensitive Chomskyan wuss! You sound like all
those whiny commies who like Chomsky!
(J2 gets J in a headlock and they begin to fight again. J3 bursts out into
tears again and says it's his fault that this is happening. J2 screams at J3
not to
listen to J. J bites J2 on the arm and they fall to the floor in the corner.
B then approaches J and J2 holding a stun gun in each hand and zaps each of
them for about 3 minutes. They begin convulsing on the floor. J4 takes out
his camera
and begins taking pictures of J, J2, J3, and B, and discloses that he's a reporter
for ëFrontPageMagazine'. He said that exposing the anti-Chomskyites irrational
behavior to the world would do wonders f or his magazine as all its readers
would be able to relate quite well to all of the Js' behavior. (B raises one
eyebrow)
B then approaches J3 with his stun gun and tells him to shut the hell up and
zaps him for 3 minutes. J4 then sees B coming at him and manages to get one
more picture taken before receiving his zap. B, then picks up the camera and
takes
pictures of the four convulsing anti-Chomskyites. As they begin to regain consciousness
B assists each of them back to their seats so they can resume therapy.)
J: What happened? I feel great!
J2: Yeah, me too.
(J and J2 hug each other)
J3: I don't remember anything, but I'm so happy I could cry.
(Begins crying again)
J4: I feel great, too! I should capture this moment on film.
(J4 reaches into his bag, but can't find his camera. Just then J realizes that
B is nowhere to be seen.)
J: Where's B?
J2: I was going to ask that.
J: You were not! (Slaps J2 on the back of the head)
J2: Was, too! (Slaps J's head)
(J and J2 begin fighting again)
J3: B's not like Chomsky at all. He's a true patriot. He's like America. He's
a force for good in the world. He'll be back.
J4: (Talking to himself) I'm sure I put my camera right here.
(Meanwhile B had taken J4's film to get it developed. He took out the photos
of himself actually zapping the four Js for his personal collection, or to
make autographed copies to sell on Ebay some day in the future when he was
popular,
and it was recognized by all that Chomsky was, indeed, right. He then had hundreds
of thousands of copies made of the photos of the four anti-Chomskyite Js convulsing
on the floor. He had also taken out excerpts from the session he had secretly
recorded and used them as captions for the photos. It didn't really matter
much which excerpts he used as they were all equally irrat ional, illogical,
and,
well, basically ignorant. The photos went all over the world and soon the irrational
behavior of the anti-Chomskyites was recognized by most all peoples. From Missouri
to Japan, from France to Irian Jaya, all sane peoples of the world were laughing
at the ignorance of the anti-Chomskyites. Anti-Chomskyite jokes became a big
hit. All the late night shows were doing skits on the ignorance of the anti-Chomskyites.
The photos, along with a dangerously handsome photo of B, made the cover of
every magazine and newspaper on the planet. So, in the end, I guess J3 was
right. B
was ìA force for good in the world.î
The End
J and Ben the anti-Chomskyites on Research and Scholarship: Dismantling the Works of Noam Chomsky: An Existential Crisis and Going to Hell wherin two anti-Chomskyites inadvertently read a Chomsky book and find no mistakes.
J and Ben the anti-Chomskyites on Research and
Scholarship:
Dismantling the Works of Noam Chomsky: An Existential Crisis and Going to
Hell
J: Ben! Ben! Did you hear the news!
Ben: No, what is it?
J: I did a critical analysis of one of Chomsky's books and I found hundreds
and
hundreds of errors.
Ben: Oh my God! What kind of errors?
J: You name it! It was poorly written. Most all of the information was completely
inaccurate. The writing style sucked. The research was horrible.
Basically, it was one of the worst books I've ever read.
Ben: Great! I told you that his scholarship sucked.
J: I've known this for a long time, but hadn't actually read anything
by him until now.
Ben: We've got to get this information to Horowitz. He'll be so pleased
that we've helped him with his ambitions of dismantling Chomsky's work.
J and Ben cut and paste all of the errors found in the Chomsky book,
including page numbers, references, footnotes, name-calling, etc. There were
literally hundreds of pages of errors in the book. They sent all of their newly
found
information to Horowitz himself. A few days later they received a long email
back from Horowitz thanking them for all of their hard work. He informed
them that the information they had provided was definitely going to be used
in his upcoming book, "The Shoddy Scholarship" of Noam Chomsky:
A Detailed Analysis, and that J and Ben would get a special mention
as contributors. Horowitz even asked J and Ben to send their photos as he
wanted to use them on the front page of his updated "FrontPageMagazine"
website. J and Ben were ecstatic. They were going to be famous in the
anti-Chomsky world. They'd probably even be asked to be on many political
talk shows because of the brilliance of their scholarship and insight.
J was already having an "I Used Kissingers Speed Stick in the Green Room" T-shirt
made just in case he was invited to be on TV. They had big plans.
Their future looked bright. But the first thing they wanted to do was to go
tell B about their soon-to-be-acquired fame. They could hardly wait.
They knew that this was really going to piss him off. That they had so thoroughly
dissected one of Chomsky's books, and were going to soon be famous,
would surely irk B as they believed him to be a big Chomskyite. First, they
went to the library to look for B assuming that given his appreciation of
Chomsky he'd probably go someplace stupid that had a lot of books.
They were right. They found B at a big table in the back of the library
with several hundred books stacked on the table. Of course there were
about 40 Chomsky books in one stack, but there were also books by
many historians, both conservative and radical. There were dozens of books
containing government documents. There were all the great economists,
political theorists, and all the classic philosophers. There were books on
all
of the U.S. Presidents. There were many business journals and magazines.
For J and Ben to see a person surrounded by so many books was a
surreal experience. Actually, they both felt a little light-headed and nauseous
being near so many books, but the excitement and anticipation of telling B
about their soon to be realized success was enough to keep them from
getting sick. The story continues:
J: Hey B! What are you doing?
B: Not much. I'm just catching up on a little reading and research.
Ben: What are you researching?
B: I doubt you'd be interested.
J: What is it?
B: I'm doing research regarding the works of Noam Chomsky.
Ben: (Looking and J and winking) Really? How interesting. J and I have been,
too.
B: Oh, really? That's interesting.
J: But we've never used this many books to do our research,
especially the Chomsky ones.
Ben: Yeah. We've read a couple of those conservative historians
you have there, and we went through the personals in the back of that Business
Week there, but that's about it.
B: But you said you were doing research on Chomsky.
J: Yeah, well, we are. (J winking back a Ben)
B: You don't think it's necessary to read a little more of his work when
doing your research?
J: Not now. I mean, we didn't really find it necessary to read him before,
but now there's even less reason.
B: Why's that.
Ben: (J giving Ben the nod to go ahead and let B have it) Because J and I
went through one of his books page by page and found hundreds of mistakes.
His book sucked!
J: Yeah! Yeah! Almost every assertion made in the book was wrong.
All the ideas were stupid. And the scholarship was horrible! He must be one
of the most ignorant people I've ever read. Only a complete idiot could believe
anything said in that book.
Ben: Yeah! Yeah! And we sent our findings to Horowitz and he thought our
research was great!
J: Yeah! And he said we were going to be on "FrontPageMagazine" and that
this type of scholarship was greatly appreciated by those at the "magazine",
and that the information was just the kind of break his webpage had been
waiting for.
Ben: Yeah! He said that our analysis of Chomsky was
definitely "FrontPageMagazine" material. He said that our comprehensive
documentation would be quite useful, though not necessary, as accuracy and
documentation were hardly high priorities regarding the acceptance of
submissions worthy of publication at "FrontPage".
J: Yeah! But we supplied him with all the documentation one could have hoped
for.
B: That's interesting. Congratulations! If you don't mind my asking, in what
book of
Chomsky's were all of these mistakes?
J: (Looking through his bag) It was that book that your friend P recommended.
He said that if we really went through this book carefully that we'd find all
sorts
of mistakes.
Ben: And he was right!
J: (Pulling the book out of his bag and holding in front of B's face) Here
it is!
Here it is! This one! This is the book we've shredded! It's garbage! It's a
piece of
crap! It sucks!
Ben: Yeah! Chomsky's going down! Chomsky's going down!
B: Uhhhhh But that book isn't by Chomsky.
J & Ben: Huh?
B: That book was written by Horowitz and Collier. That's the
"
Anti-Chomsky Reader". It was written by your heroes.
J & Ben: WAS NOT!!!
B: Sure it was. Look at the cover.
Ben: (Turning to J) You dumbass! You said it was Chomsky's book!
J: (Looking bewildered and perplexed) I wondered why the book was so easy to
understand.
J and Ben begin screaming, crying, and fighting. Seeing that J and Ben's
hopes for anti-Chomskyan fame were being dashed he decided to offer
a little solace. He told them that it probably wouldn't really matter that
the
book they had shredded had been Horowitz's own book as Horowitz was
too ignorant to even recognize it as such. B told them that it was still very
likely that their work would be used by "FrontPageMagazine" and that they may,
indeed, still become the new darlings of the anti-Chomskyites. Then B offered
to lend J and Ben another book which he thought may make them feel better.
He told them that a new Horowitz book had just come out, and that even B himself
thought it pretty good for an anti-Chomskyite book. So, B took a copy
of "Necessary Illusions" out of his stack and gave it to J and Ben. He told
them that this Horowitz book was much better, but that should carefully analyze
it
regardless. J and Ben thanked B and left the library. A few months later they
returned to B in the library.
B: So what did you think of that Horowitz book I lent you? Pretty good stuff,
huh?
J: Yeah! It was great! We didn't find a damn mistake! It was pretty difficult
though.
Ben: Yeah! His sentence structure, style, and research were impeccable. And
the
scholarship was something I've never witnessed before. We had to read each
sentence about 10 times before we could understand what they meant.
J: Yeah! This book was much better thought out than Horowitz's other books,
by orders of magnitude I should say.
Ben: Yeah, B. Thanks a lot! You're much cooler than J and I thought.
We didn't know that you could appreciate the work of the anti-Chomskyites.
B: Oh, really? Yes, I'm quite familiar with both. I'm really glad that you
took the
time to go through the book I lent you.
Just then P approached the table where J, Ben, and B were sitting.
J's first response was to punch out P, but Ben held him back as a courtesy
to B for lending them Horowitz's "Necessary Illusions".
P: Hey guys! What's up! (Looks at B and receives the green light wink)
B do you still have my Chomsky book?
B: (Taking the book from J's hands) You mean this one?
P: Yeah, that's it. "Necessary Illusions".
J and Ben: (Screaming at the top of their lungs) "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
Then they both passed out. About twenty minutes later, as B and P were
helping the paramedics push the gurneys to the ambulance, J and Ben slightly
regained consciousness. J then looked up at B.
J: (Barely able to speak) Did we really read a Chomsky book and think it was
great?
B: I'm afraid so.
J: Oh, God!
(J slips into a coma)
Ben: P, please don't tell anyone. Okay?
P: Too late. It will be on the BBC in 20 minutes.
(Ben slips into a coma)
However, being the good and honorable humanitarians they are,
B and P managed to find J and Ben the perfect place for them to begin their
occupational therapy. They were going to be cleaning the toilets for some
professor at M.I.T. Two days later they went to meet the professor. As they
walked into the front office they passed dozens of file cabinets. They turned
into a short hallway and to their horror they saw a big poster of
Bertrand Russell on the wall. The door to the left of the poster was open and
as
they walked through the door a man wearing glasses stood. And with a toilet
brush
in each hand, he outstretched his arms and said:
Chomsky: Hello! I'm Noam Chomsky. Get to work!
The End
J the anti-Chomskyite's Haiku: A Lesson in Emptiness
about the group of knuckleheads who refer to themselves
as "anti-Chomskyites"|One fine autumn day J the anti-Chomskyite was sitting
alone in the woodsburning all seven of the books he had collected over the
first 43 years ofhis life. His new Buddhist teacher had told him that he
needed to ridhimself of those things he had accumulated as they were no doubt
what hadled to his ignorance and warped perception of reality, and the subsequentsuffering
which presented itself as irrational and illogicalanti-Chomskyanism. J had
no problem with this order as book-burning was ahobby of his anyway. So,
there J sat, gazing down into the fire, watchingthe last little bit of ëRadical
Son' and a few Oliver Kamm papers go up insmoke. J's teacher also told him
that he should give Haiku a try. Thissuggestion was quite appealing to J
as there need be only 17 syllables in anentire poem, and given the fact that
J usually broke out in hives whenexposed to any writings longer than this.
So, there sat J, pencil in hand,eraseruhhh.never mindpencil in hand..and
began his Haiku meditation.What follows are a few of the Haiku which were
found in J's drawers uponhis second release from the Boston Mental Hospital.
He had initially beenadmitted to BMH after having been required to clean
Chomsky's toilets forseveral months as a part of his occupational therapy
after finding out thathe had inadvertently read a Chomsky book and thought
it was great. This timehe had been admitted to BMH because after having tried
to achieve TRUEemptiness with the help of his Buddhist teacher he had a difficult
timeadjusting back to his usual reality. But wasn't this the point? Wasn't
thepoint that J empty himself of all of his delusions and try to see the
truenature of reality more clearly? Anyway, his friend B was a little perplexedby
the whole J-Buddhist therapy thing anyway as he thought J's head wasempty
most of the time already and wondered if there was really anythingleft to
empty. Here are J's four controversial Haiku poems:
J's Haiku: Four Seasons
a winter day spot
had a book but couldn't read
Chomsky laughs at me
anti- Semite spring
is Chomsky this I ask you
ignorant I am
summer fever cry
holocaust denier nye
why am I dumb I
fall sitting in pond
Pol Pot apologist not
empty my head is
In all fairness to J it should be noted that many Haiku poets, scholars,
andpsychiatrists, have pondered over the meanings of these great poems foryears
now. There seem to be many ways to interpret them depending on theperspective
from which ones analysis begins. Had J actually recognized hispathetic ignorance
and attempted to detach himself from his desire to clingto his irrational
anti-Chomskyanism? Was J being sarcastic, actually meaningthe opposite of
what he posited in the poems? Or, in his unconscious desirenot to be released
from BMH, was this simply a case of J's Munchausen'sSyndrome by Proxy disorder
presenting itself again? Only one person reallyknew, and this was his friend
B. B was aware that J's emptiness was not theemptiness of those seeking to
detach themselves from the delusions of theperceived world in order to expand
their awareness, and, thereby, ridthemselves of their unwanted sufferings.
Nor was it an emptiness whichbrings peace and oneness with all of humanity
and the universe. It was anemptiness of the type you find when your assigned
to read a Chomsky book,but you can't, and you have to lie, and lie, and lie,
and pretend that youhave, all the while knowing deep down that you're fooling
no one butyourself, and you're not even really doing a good job of that.
It's theemptiness of knowing that your lies are being witnessed by all, especiallythose
who have actually read Chomsky's work. It's the emptiness of knowingthat
every false assertion and out of context reference can be easilyexposed by
any third grader. This is a different type of emptiness, anartificial emptiness,
an emptiness like that found when examining ëTheAnti-Chomsky Reader', many,
many, words and not a shred of truth behind anyof them. So, what was B to
do? How was he to help J become a semi-wellfunctioning person again?
First, B had to find J, and no one had seen him since his second releasefrom
BMH. There had been rumors J had been hit by a truck while chasing arabbit
across Interstate 66 with an empty bowl in his hand. Other rumors hadit that
J had given up his anti-Chomskyanism, gotten married, had 8children, and
began making porno films and selling contracts for Haliburton.And, yet, still
other rumors had it that J had had plastic surgery and hadgone back to cleaning
toilets at M.I.T. Then, one day, as B was about togive up his search for
J, he wandered into the local Taoist cigar club toask the owner if he had
seen J hanging around his club, possibly carrying abowl, or a rabbit. Just
then, to B's amazement, he looked up and saw Jhanging stuffed as a trophy
on the wall between a donkey and a pig with abowl on his head and a rabbit
clenched in his teeth. B asked the owner wherehe had acquired his trophy.
The owner assured B that he had not killed Jhimself, but had bought him at
a yard sale which had been held by someBuddhist monks. When asked how they
had come into possession of this stuffedJ trophy the monks simply replied
that one day as they were in a deepcontemplative meditation their master
approached J from behind as he thoughtJ to be dozing off. The master gave
J a good solid whack on the shoulderwith his bamboo staff and yelled CHOMSKY
as loud as he could to wake him up.They said that at exactly that moment
any residue of self which may haveremained in J's being instantly evaporated,
and he keeled over and died.But what was even more astonishing to the monks
was what happened later when
they took him to the taxidermist to be stuffed. The taxidermist said thatupon
making the first incision into J's body a tremendous gush of hot airwas released
and the body collapsed in on itself like a hot air balloon. Thetaxidermist
passed out and had to be admitted to BMH a few hours later. At aloss of what
to do with the deflated body, the monks, in their infinite,mysterious, and
ironic wisdom, decided to tear the pages from every bookChomsky had ever
written, and to stuff the empty shell of J with thesepages, so that he could
go through eternity filled with that knowledge whichhe had refused to, or
perhaps was unable to, because of his ignorance,accept during his short and
miserable anti-Chomskyan life.
THE END